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Five golden rules when asking for forgiveness

Tami Lancut Leibovitz

This week, on August 2nd, the international “Apology and forgiveness” day, we are handed with a special chance to apologize for whoever we hurt in our families, circle of friends or our work environment. We could use one day with a humble spirit, to look inside ourselves and think of who and if we hurt anyone.

Asking for forgiveness is a much harder task than it seems, forgiveness has the power to re-shape and change relationships, and it can lift burdens and correct situations. First, we need to agree to take responsibility on our flaws and mistakes, and know how to apologize even when we are not sure we were the one to blame.

Try to look within yourself, be honest with yourself and pay respect your true feelings and the feelings of the person you hurt.

To achieve higher success rates for your apology, follow those simple, yet important golden rules:

1. Real “Sorry” starts with an honest and real intent, if the meaning won’t be authentic and you apologize with grudge or anger in your heart, it can only lead to more conflicts and arguments. Leave the ego aside when you apologize and come from a place of humility and respect.
2. It’s always better to make the person you apologizing to, face to face and on your own. You don’t need a crowd for such a personal matter! Pay full attention with your mind but also with your body, sit close but not too close, directly in front of the person and keep an eye contact.
3. If you apologize face to face or in writing, use the power of the person’s name – there’s not a sound that a person loves more than his own name. It will open up his heart and mind to make peace and will make him feel comfortable.
4. Explain why you are apologizing, what is the reason, especially if it’s been a long time. The person that got hurt, didn’t forget so by walking through together you can show the person you meant no harm and truly speak from the heart. It will make the apology that much stronger and its shows you are willing to take responsibility and be humble for the sake of your relationship.
5. After you done apologizing, provide a promise from the heart, to try and work hard that you will not end up apologizing again, make the other person realize you learned from this experience and also and you will do your best to never hurt him again.

Saying sorry is important to our family, social and business relationships. We tend to fix our mistakes at work first, but don’t ever assume that your family and close friends can get hurt deeply from you, just like you can get hurt at times. Don’t act like nothing happened – say a direct “I’m sorry” to clear the air and strengthen the relationship.

Remember! Flowers and gifts to say I am sorry is great, but as an add-on! Add a card to the gift with an apology or provide a verbal one with the gift but merely a gift is not a supplement to an apology.

Take advantage of this week to say sorry and forgive people around you, loved ones, business colleagues and close friends. Don’t forget to also forgive yourself once in a while for mistakes we do along the road!

If you have any question about apology etiquette or any other etiquette issue, please feel free to visit the question section on my site and leave me one - http://bit.ly/AskTami or write me at tami@tll.co.il, I will be happy to help!

For more about social, political and business etiquette, please visit my website!