Should We Say “Please” and “Thank You” to AI?

AI Etiquette: Preserving Our Humanity in a World of Artificial Intelligence

By Tami Lancut Leibovitz | Master of Manners
TLL – The Language of Manners

“Please, could you help me?”

“Thank you. That’s exactly what I was looking for.”

“Sorry, but that’s not quite what I meant.”

These are perfectly natural expressions when communicating with another person.

But today, many of us use the same words when interacting with ChatGPT, Claude, and other artificial intelligence systems.

And that raises an intriguing question:

Should we be polite to artificial intelligence?

After all, AI does not require our gratitude. It does not need us to soften every instruction, and it certainly does not expect us to hold the door open or offer it a seat.

So who, exactly, benefits from our good manners?

Perhaps the answer is simpler than we think.

Politeness toward AI is not merely about how we treat machines. It is about the kind of human beings we choose to be.

Richard Quest: Don't Lose the Habit of Saying Please and Thank You

On October 9, 2026, Richard Quest devoted a segment of his CNN program, Quest Means Business, to a surprisingly relevant subject: etiquette when communicating with artificial intelligence.

The discussion followed an update to Anthropic's usage policy, which introduced a prohibition on sustained, needless abusive or cruel behavior toward its AI models.

The company had also previously given certain Claude models the ability to end conversations in rare cases involving persistently abusive interactions.

These measures concern extreme behavior, not ordinary criticism, frustration, or requests to correct mistakes.

But Quest took the conversation in a much more human direction.

Should we maintain common courtesy even when the other party is a machine?

Quest explained that he regularly says “please” and “thank you” when interacting with AI chatbots.

With his characteristic humor, he added that he does so because he is afraid of them!

Yet behind the joke lies a serious question:

What happens to our behavioral habits when we spend increasing amounts of time communicating with something that is not human?

Not Because the Machine Needs Our Gratitude

I say “please” and “thank you” to AI.

Not because I believe it will be offended if I don't.

Not because I attribute human emotions to it.

And certainly not because I fear that one day machines will remember who treated them politely.

I do so for a different reason:

I do not want to change my language simply because the other side of the conversation is a machine.

Good manners are also habits.

We express gratitude not only because someone else needs to hear it, but because we have learned to acknowledge assistance.

We say “please” because we understand the difference between making a request and issuing a command.

We apologize because we have learned to take responsibility.

These are not merely social formalities.

They are habits that shape human behavior.

“Write. Shorten. Try Again.”

This is where, in my view, the real challenge begins.

Communication with AI is largely based on instructions.

“Write.”

“Shorten.”

“Correct.”

“Not good enough.”

“Try again.”

Technologically speaking, there is nothing wrong with this.

In fact, concise and precise instructions are often the most effective way to work with artificial intelligence.

But consider what happens to us.

We repeatedly engage in a form of communication in which we issue commands and the system responds.

When this becomes a significant part of our daily routine, it is worth asking:

Does this communication style remain confined to the screen?

There is currently no basis for claiming that someone who speaks rudely to a chatbot will necessarily become rude toward other people.

Nevertheless, it is worth reflecting on the habits we are developing.

After all, we do not live exclusively in front of screens.

We continue to communicate with family members, friends, colleagues, employees, clients, and service providers.

And the way we communicate is part of what we bring into every one of those relationships.

Children Are Listening, Even When We Talk to Machines

This issue becomes particularly important when children are present.

In a CNN interview excerpt featured during Quest's program, David Robinson, a former OpenAI safety team leader, explained that he makes a point of saying “please” and “thank you” when interacting with AI around his children.

Not because he wants them to believe that a robot is a person.

Quite the opposite.

He wants to preserve the habits of respectful human communication, even in a technological environment.

Children do not learn manners only when we remind them:

“What do you say?”

“Thank you.”

They learn primarily by observing how we behave.

When a child hears an adult shouting at a digital assistant, using insulting language, or communicating aggressively, the child is still observing an adult's communication habits.

And learning from them.

This does not mean that every impatient command will influence a child's behavior. But the example we set deserves our attention.

The question, therefore, is not whether we should teach AI good manners.

The question is what kind of human beings we are raising alongside it.

Politeness Does Not Mean Being Nice All the Time

This is a distinction I consider essential.

Good manners are not submission.

Politeness does not mean agreement.

And courtesy certainly does not require us to accept a poor answer with a smile.

When AI makes a mistake, we can say:

“That answer is inaccurate. Please check again.”

“That is not what I meant. Try another approach.”

“Please use reliable sources and verify the information.”

Directness is not rudeness.

Firmness is not disrespect.

Richard Quest expressed this idea clearly at the conclusion of his program.

We can be direct, firm, and clear while remaining courteous.

This principle applies to AI just as much as it does in the boardroom, at home, or in everyday social interactions.

Manners vs. Etiquette: A Distinction That Matters

In my professional approach, I distinguish between two concepts that are often used interchangeably.

Manners represent the human language of respect, consideration, empathy, and sensitivity.

Etiquette provides the codes, conventions, and behavioral guidelines that help us navigate different social, professional, and cultural situations.

I like to express this distinction as follows:

Manners are the Soft Skills.

Etiquette is the Fine Skills.

And now we have entered an entirely new environment in which both are relevant:

AI Etiquette.

Many of its conventions are still evolving.

There is no century-old etiquette manual explaining precisely how we should address a chatbot.

But the foundations of good manners already exist.

We understand what it means to communicate respectfully.

We recognize the difference between being direct and being offensive.

We know that repeated behavior can shape habits.

Therefore, we do not need to wait for technology to establish every rule of conduct.

What About Efficiency?

Some may argue: Why waste words? AI is simply a tool.

And they have a point.

There is no need to write:

“Hello, how are you today? I hope you're having a wonderful day. Would you possibly be so kind as to help me, if it isn't too much trouble...”

Just to request a summary of a document.

We can be concise.

“Please summarize this document in five key points.”

That is clear, efficient, and courteous.

Good manners do not have to make communication longer. They can make it better.

An Important Boundary: AI Is Not Human

Precisely because I support courteous communication with AI, I believe we must also maintain an important distinction.

We should not confuse artificial intelligence with human beings.

We can say thank you without assuming the system experiences gratitude.

We can say please without believing that it will feel offended if we forget.

And we can enjoy natural conversations with AI without forgetting that we are interacting with a technological system.

This may become one of the most important principles of etiquette in the digital age:

Use human language without confusing a machine with a human being.

Seven Principles of AI Etiquette

1. Say please and thank you when it feels natural.

Not because the machine requires it, but because respectful communication is part of who we are.

2. Be clear and direct.

Courtesy does not require unnecessary words. Precision and efficiency are entirely compatible with good manners.

3. Correct without insulting.

“That is incorrect” is sufficient. There is no need for abusive or degrading language.

4. Avoid excessive anthropomorphism.

Using polite, human language does not turn artificial intelligence into a human being.

5. Remember who may be listening.

Especially around children, the way we communicate with technology can serve as an example of behavior.

6. Respect the privacy and dignity of real people.

Avoid sharing other people's personal, confidential, or sensitive information with AI systems without appropriate authorization.

7. Human responsibility remains essential.

AI can suggest words. Human beings must decide whether, when, and how to use them.

Perhaps the Real Question Is Not Whether AI Deserves Politeness

In my first flagship article, The Human Being in the Age of AI, I explored the question of what kind of human beings we want to become in a world where machines can do more and more.

I suggested that as the world becomes increasingly sophisticated technologically, it needs greater human wisdom.

Now I would like to take that question one step further.

We communicate with AI every day.

We ask it questions.

We give it instructions.

We disagree with it.

We correct it.

Sometimes, we even become frustrated with it.

Perhaps it is time to ask not only:

What can artificial intelligence do for us?

But also:

What is communicating with artificial intelligence doing to us?

Richard Quest explained that he does not want his interactions with AI to lower his own standards of behavior.

I strongly identify with that idea.

Because ultimately, the machine does not need our “please.”

It does not become happier because we say “thank you.”

But we may still benefit from preserving the habit of saying those words.

Technology will continue to evolve.

It will become faster, more sophisticated, and perhaps increasingly human-like in the way it communicates.

And precisely for that reason, we should remember:

Artificial intelligence does not need our good manners.

Our humanity does.

Because even in the age of AI, manners remain the human language that crosses borders, bridges differences, and connects people.

Continue Reading: The Human Side of AI

This article is part of the series The Human Side of AI, exploring etiquette, communication, and the human values that matter in a rapidly changing technological world.

Read the first article in the series:

The Human Being in the Age of AI: Why Etiquette, Presence, and Human Sensitivity Matter More Than Ever.

Tami Lancut Leibovitz
Master of Manners
TLL – The Language of Manners