Rosh Hashanah Etiquette

Starting the Year on the Right Foot

Rosh Hashanah Greetings, Hosting and Gifts — With Warmth, Good Manners and No Excess

By: Tami Lancut Leibovitz | Master of Manners

“On the first day of the seventh month, you shall observe a sacred occasion: you shall not work at your occupations. You shall observe it as a day when the horn is sounded.” (במדבר כט, א)

Rosh Hashanah symbolizes renewal, warm human connection and hope for a better future. It is therefore a natural opportunity to strengthen family ties, revive relationships that have grown distant, clear the air and express appreciation to the people who accompany us throughout the year.

Holiday etiquette, however, is not measured by the price of a gift, the number of greetings we send or the perfection of the table. It is measured by thoughtfulness: Is the greeting truly personal? Does the gift suit the recipient? Does our behavior make the occasion easier and more pleasant for hosts and guests alike? Here is how to start the year on the right foot — seriously, but with a smile.

New Year Greetings: Less Broadcasting, More Thought

Once, we waited for printed Shanah Tovah cards to arrive in the mail. Today we can choose among a phone call, WhatsApp, email, a voice note, a digital card, a short video or even an image created with artificial intelligence. No medium is inherently wrong. What matters is whether it suits the relationship and whether we add something genuinely personal.

Match the medium to the relationship. For a close friend, an older relative or someone we have not spoken with for a long time, a phone call may be the loveliest gift. A written message is perfectly appropriate for colleagues, clients and acquaintances, provided that it is respectful and personal.

Do not disguise a mass message as a personal greeting. A standard text may be a starting point, but it should not be the finished product. Use the recipient’s name and add one sincere line about the person or your connection. Two honest sentences are better than a long message forwarded to a hundred people.

A group greeting is not a personal greeting. A message in a family or workplace group addresses the group as a whole. It does not replace an individual message to someone especially important to us. Nor is there any need to answer every glittering image with another glittering image; a few warm words are enough.

A designed image still needs a human voice. A digital card, GIF, video or AI-generated image can be delightful, but it is not the greeting itself. Add a personal sentence so the recipient feels that you thought of them — and did not simply tap Forward.

Keep voice notes short and clear. Record in a quiet place, speak clearly and avoid a long monologue. A voice message requires the recipient to stop and listen; sometimes a written message is actually the more considerate choice.

There is no need to both call and send a message. Choose the form that suits the person and the relationship. Etiquette is not measured by the number of actions we perform, but by their quality and intention.

What Do We Say — and When?

Before Rosh Hashanah, particularly during the month of Elul, it is customary to say Shanah Tovah U’Metukah — a good and sweet year — or Ketivah V’Chatimah Tovah — may you be inscribed and sealed for a good year. On Rosh Hashanah itself, one may say L’Shanah Tovah Tikatevu V’Techatemu. From after Rosh Hashanah through Yom Kippur, the customary greetings are Chatimah Tovah or Gmar Chatimah Tovah. Traditions vary, and both of the latter forms are widely accepted.

Apple, Honey and Pomegranate: Etiquette Is in the Details

The order and selection of symbolic foods vary among communities and families. The first rule is simple: respect the customs of the home and follow the host’s lead. Even when our own tradition is different, the holiday table is not the place to compete over who is doing it the ‘right’ way.

Apple and honey - There is no need to submerge the entire apple slice. Dip one edge lightly, take a bite, and do not dip the bitten portion again. Anyone who enjoys more honey can place several slices on a personal plate and add honey with the serving utensil.

Pomegranate - It is most convenient to serve the seeds already separated and ready to eat. Guests should take them from the communal bowl only with the serving spoon. Eat carefully: pomegranate is wonderful, but its stains have a habit of following us into the new year.

Dietary needs and preferences - A guest who avoids a particular food for health, allergy, religious or personal reasons need not apologize or offer a long explanation. A discreet message in advance allows the host to prepare without pressure or embarrassment at the table.

Invited for the Holiday? Help the Host by Being a Good Guest

Reply promptly. Do not leave the host with a vague maybe. Accept, decline or ask for a specific amount of time to check. Any clear response is better than silence. If you cannot attend, a short and warm message is enough; there is no need to invent an elaborate excuse.

Ask what would be useful. Instead of asking, ‘Should I bring anything?’ — a question that almost always receives the answer ‘No, thank you’ — ask, ‘What would make things easier: wine, dessert or something else?’ If the host says nothing is needed, respect the answer.

Do not arrive early. The minutes before a holiday dinner are often the busiest time in the kitchen. Arrive at the agreed time. If you expect a meaningful delay, let the host know as early as possible; an unexplained late arrival may hold up Kiddush and the entire meal.

Respect the seating plan. Hosts know their guests, sensitivities and family dynamics. If a seat has been assigned, accept it graciously rather than negotiating beside the table.

Your phone is not another guest. Taking one photograph or answering something urgent is understandable, but the meal should not become a live broadcast. Ask permission before photographing other people — and certainly before posting them online.

Offer help without taking over. You may offer to serve, clear or tidy. If the host says, ‘Thank you, we’re fine,’ accept the answer. Help that nobody requested can sometimes create more work.

Rosh Hashanah Gifts: Thoughtfulness, Not an Admission Fee

Rosh Hashanah is often treated as a major gift-giving holiday in Israel, but a host gift is not the price of admission. It is a gesture of thanks. The real gift begins before the gathering — with consideration, a timely reply and an offer of help — and continues afterward with a warm thank-you.

One gift for the household is enough. There is no need to bring an individual present for every family member. Choose something the household can enjoy: quality honey or olive oil, chocolate, a book, a family game, an attractive serving piece or another item that suits the home.

Do not shop for yourself through other people. Loving a particular object, scent or style does not mean the host will love it too. Avoid dominant decorative objects, perfume, art or figurines unless you know the host’s taste very well.

Coordinate food, wine and flowers. A cooked dish, dessert or table centerpiece may conflict with the menu, kashrut requirements, allergies or a setting the host has already planned. Coordinate in advance. If wine is given as a gift, do not expect it to be opened that evening; it belongs to the host to enjoy whenever they choose.

Flowers should not become another task. Send them earlier in the day or bring an arranged bouquet that can be placed in a vase immediately. A host holding a pot in one hand should not have to search for clippers and a vase with the other.

When the serving dish is part of the gift. A cake or dish presented in an attractive container that is intended to remain with the host is a lovely gesture. Say so immediately, so the host does not wash, wrap and chase after you to return it.

Sending a gift in advance is perfectly acceptable. It can be especially elegant for someone traveling from a distance or sending a large gift. Include a personal note, and do not feel obliged to arrive with a second present merely to avoid appearing empty-handed.

Wrapping and a card are part of the gift. Even a modest present feels thoughtful when it is neatly wrapped. Add a few handwritten words. The price is soon forgotten; the personal message remains.

The host does not have to open gifts immediately. At a large gathering, it may be wiser to place gifts aside and open them later, avoiding comparisons among guests and interruptions to the welcome. The host should still offer thanks at the moment of receiving the gift and acknowledge it personally after the holiday.

An edible gift does not have to be served. Chocolate, cake, honey or wine given as a present belongs to the host, who may save it for another occasion. If a guest was specifically asked to provide dessert as part of the meal, that is different — and it is, of course, served.

Say thank you afterward. After the holiday, guests thank their hosts and hosts thank guests for their gifts. A call or a personal message is appropriate; the important thing is not to rely solely on a red heart in the family group.

Holiday Gifts at Work and for Service Providers

The holiday is also an opportunity to thank the people who make our lives easier throughout the year — household staff, caregivers, gardeners, maintenance workers, reception teams, parking attendants and others. A modest gift, a financial bonus or a personal message can express appreciation according to the relationship and one’s means. The essential point is to see the person, rather than treating them as an invisible service.

Employers to employees. A holiday gift should be equitable, respectful and suitable for a diverse workforce. Consider kashrut, allergies, lifestyle, cultural differences and remote employees. Offering a choice among several gifts or providing a flexible voucher is often the most considerate solution.

Employees to managers. There is no obligation — and there should be no expectation — to give a personal gift to a manager. Because of the power difference, a greeting, group card or modest shared gesture is usually preferable. If a gift is chosen, it should be symbolic, collective and consistent with company policy.

A gift is not a loyalty test. No one should be pressured to contribute to a collection, and individual amounts should not be publicized. A gift that embarrasses someone who cannot or does not wish to participate defeats its purpose.

Remember the people behind the scenes. Reception, maintenance, cleaning, mailroom, security and parking staff support us throughout the year. A personal word and a small gift, when appropriate, remind us that gratitude is part of an organizational culture — not merely a holiday ritual.

The Most Important Gift

Hosts do not need to produce a perfect evening, and guests are not there to award grades. A successful holiday table is one where every person feels seen, respected and genuinely welcome. If we remember that, we have already begun the year on the right foot.

Wishing you a good and sweet year — a year of health, happiness, success and love.

Tami

This article is based on a chapter from “Please Behave Accordingly: Etiquette in the Contemporary Era” by Tami Lancut Leibovitz and was updated for 2026.

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