The Israeli Paradox of Manners

How modern civility can become a social bridge

By Tami Lancut Leibovitz | Master of Manners

In recent years, Israeli society has gone through a complex and turbulent period. Yet precisely in moments of crisis, a familiar phenomenon repeatedly appears: thousands of people who do not know one another step forward to help.

Young volunteers repairing damage caused by war, university students delivering food to elderly citizens, individuals assisting people with disabilities, and organizations such as Krembo Wings, which connects youth with and without disabilities and fosters a culture of inclusion.

These moments reveal something profound about Israeli culture.

On one hand, Israelis are often perceived as direct, outspoken, and sometimes impatient.
On the other hand, this is also a society that repeatedly demonstrates human warmth, involvement, and mutual support.

This is what I call - the Israeli Paradox of Manners.

Manners as “traffic rules” between people

Many people still believe manners are mainly about formal behavior: how to hold a fork, or how to behave at a formal dinner.

In reality, manners are much more than that.

Manners are the social traffic rules between people.

Just like traffic signs on the road, they are not meant to limit us but to prevent “social accidents” and allow us to move together within a shared space with mutual respect.

In many countries around the world, manners are taught from an early age as part of civic education:
learning to listen, wait in line, respect personal space, and express gratitude.

In Israel, however, this social code was shaped less through formal education and more through the unique historical and social reality of the country.

From “book manners” to “manners of the heart”

Today’s world requires more than traditional etiquette.

Modern civility is not merely about rules written in books; it is increasingly about manners of the heart.

The ability to:

• listen genuinely

• recognize the presence of the other

• respect personal space

• and remain considerate even when we disagree.

When manners move beyond the rulebook and into human awareness, they become a tool that enables society to live together with dignity.

The Three Foundations of Israeli Manners

Looking closely at Israeli culture, three key foundations shape its unique form of civility.

Heart - Human warmth, involvement and community spirit.
The willingness to help a stranger, open one’s home to others, and mobilize during times of crisis.

Directness - Open and often informal communication.
Directness can reflect honesty and efficiency, as long as it is balanced with sensitivity toward others.

Social Responsibility - A strong sense of mutual responsibility.
The understanding that the public space belongs to all of us and that our behavior within it matters.

When these three elements coexist, they create a distinctive culture of manners — less formal, yet deeply human.

Between positive chutzpah and lack of tact

One of the most recognizable elements of Israeli culture is the concept of chutzpah.

Often perceived negatively, chutzpah can also have a positive dimension: initiative, courage, and the willingness to challenge conventions.

Indeed, this trait has contributed greatly to Israel’s culture of innovation.

Yet when directness lacks awareness of others, it can turn into what is perceived as lack of tact.

The difference between the two is subtle but important.

Positive chutzpah generates initiative and creativity.
Lack of tact creates unnecessary harm.

A culture of difference

In a small country that brings together diverse religions, cultures and worldviews, the greatest challenge is not necessarily achieving agreement.

The challenge is learning how to live respectfully within disagreement.

Modern civility — what I call Fine Skills — offers a simple yet powerful formula:

“I see you, even when I disagree with you.”

Manners, in this sense, function as social shock absorbers.
They allow ideological friction to produce light rather than fire.

Five principles of civility Israel needs today

• Listening before reacting

• Distinguishing between directness and harm

• Respecting the space of others

• Seeing the person beyond the opinion

• Taking responsibility for the shared social space

• Ultimately, civility is not a weakness. - It is a form of social responsibility.

A wish for Independence Day

On Independence Day, we often speak about strength, achievements, and sovereignty.

Yet a truly strong society is measured not only by economic or military power, but by the way its people treat one another.

If we succeed in combining Israeli directness and human warmth with deeper listening and mutual respect, we may discover that the Israeli paradox of manners is not a flaw.

It may in fact be one of the most beautiful strengths of Israeli society.

Because ultimately, the simplest form of civility is the ability to say to the person standing before us: I see you.

And manners are not merely a social ornament — they are the foundation upon which a society that respects itself is built.

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